01 December 2010 16:23

Cityboy discusses the dangers of office Christmas parties

When things get out of hand.

LONDON - Christmas comes but once a year and let's thank the Lord for that. I don't think I went a year during my City career without getting pretty damned close to losing my job at the office Christmas party and my last year in the Square Mile was no exception. 

About 500 bank employees of all ranks attended 2007's festive knees-up, which took place in an extremely plush City venue and involved wonderful food, playground rides and enough champagne to keep Puff Daddy fuelled for a year. As always, I behaved like some wet-behind-the-ears graduate trainee and as always, it was the grog what done it. By about 10pm I was drunk as a skunk and then the fun really began...

First of all, I allowed a simmering rivalry with a colleague get out of hand. Gentle "matey" mockery ...

24 November 2010 00:33

Playground banter

Cityboy explains why banter is so important on the trading floor.

LONDON - 'Why are you such a fat bastard?' said the posh salesman to the barrow-boy trader, who admittedly did look like he'd been on the notoriously unsuccessful "all pie diet". The recipient of this rather innocuous insult slowly swung around in his seat and with perfect comic timing delivered the oft-used but still classic response: "Because every time I shag your wife she gives me a biscuit".

Whilst Bill Shakespeare or Oscar Wilde may not have viewed this exchange as sufficiently witty to include in their more sophisticated works it got the surrounding traders guffawing and that, quite simply, was all that mattered. The salesman blushed, mumbled some unheard response and then tried to laugh along in a nervous half-hearted fashion - but he knew he'd had his arse whipped publi...